Yesterday in Parliament

The Wolfenden Report came out in 1957 when I was almost 13. I remember the embarrassed response from my parents when I asked what some of the words meant. This, plainly, was not a subject to be pursued with them. Sexuality was another word that had no meaning for me - I don't think I'd even heard of it. But I was at a North London Boys Grammar School in a fairly tough area, and I did understand that my interest in my fellow pupils was not something it would be a good idea to share.

It was another 10 years before the Sexual Offences Act became law, and sexual relations between men were no longer criminal. (The law had never applied to women.) By that time I was a regular at a famous gay pub in Hampstead. The next 3 years still count as among the happiest of my life because I was among people who accepted me as I was, and from whom I had to hide nothing. I made friends in 1967 and 1968 who are still my friends now, 46 years later.

Over half a century after Wolfenden, it ought to be the case that a person's sexuality is not any reason for discrimination, and that no-one should feel that any aspect of their character has to be kept secret for fear of disapproval. Sadly that is not the case. Teenagers making the same discovery that I made are still vulnerable to the effects of homophobia and still even kill themselves, so great is their distress. That has to stop. Believe me, no-one chooses to be gay.

My sexuality evolved - after a 4 year relationship with Mike I discovered girls, and in fact I've been married 3 times. Happily I still have friends who remain as exclusively gay as I was in my teens and twenties, whom I value, and whose happiness matters to me. So I am delighted that last night we began to extend to them too the privilege of making a commitment to love another person for ever. Things go wrong. I am a walking testament to that. But making the commitment is a sign of hope, a statement of intent, and something that everyone loves to see. Few people don't smile when they see confetti being thrown.

I hope to see the process continue, and to witness gay friends of mine getting married. I'll remember my friends from the '60s, Peter and John, who were together longer than any of my marriages has lasted to date, until John died. I met Peter the other day, and saw the tears in his eyes as we shared memories of the man he loved. So my first gay wedding will be a happy day, and a long, long journey since, back in 1957, I asked my parents what "homosexual" meant. I had no idea that the report in the news applied to me.